Saturday, October 05, 2013

ANNOUNCEMENT!! "Diary" News!

In an effort to provide a more interactive platform to "Diary" readers, "Diary" can now be found on! Just click on the link below and you will find a more convenient place to post your questions and receive more timely feedback. And who knows?  Your question could be one that is shared across social media platforms such as facebook and Twitter. Thanks again to those of you who continue to support this blog. Stay connected for more exciting updates! -Mel


FlowerChild said...

Hey Melissa,
I am sooo very happy that I found this blog. Let me just say that I sincerely feel you are doing an amazing service to the community (female and male) and are an amazing person for caring enough to identify that there are other people out there who are just as passionately confused on this subject and find themselves holding by a thread of sanity to sort out their feelings.
Here is my story,
I am 25 and met my boyfriend/baby daddy (currently 5 months pregnant) at the age of 24 (5/2012). At the time I met him he was not living to a standard where I would even consider dating, but what can I say I fell in love. He is sweet, simple, unassuming and BRAVE. He was a single father to a 5year old daughter who’s the apple of his eye. At the time we were dating I was extremely accepting of his relationship with his baby mama (BM) and actually encouraged him to try and work things out to keep her in their daughter’s life. Because we lived a about ½ hr drive apart from each other and were both busy people the first few months of dating consisted mostly of phone calls and weekend visits. I would notice that his BM would call during our times together and it would get bothersome because he would be upset with her because of things she said while we had time together but, again I tried to keep positive and not get involved unless I had some sort of constructive criticism.
We moved in together in 3/2013 and my entire perspective on this relationship changed. As I took on more responsibilities with him and his daughter I felt that I no longer required the bare minimum and was feeling disrespected and neglected. Since I was around him a lot more then prior when we were simply dating I noticed that his BM would call at least 7-8xs a day and sometime at crazy hrs of the night. I politely explained to my bf (even when we were dating) that I didn’t see a reason why he needed to speak to her so many times a day especially at really late hrs at night. At the beginning he was very defense and almost protective of the relationship stating that he could never get in the middle of the relationship between his daughter and her mother. He would say that it was me who was sensationalizing the issue and that I was allowing the BM to upset me in get into our relationship.
Although I felt the solution was easy he found it very difficult to make any changes at all and this continued for months. We fought for 5 months until he finally went to family court and submitted court order for sole custody. Now he is in a custody battle to get sole custody for his daughter (which he should have had a long time ago) but, I find him still find him making phone calls to his BM and when I confront him he states that I shouldn’t let it bother me. I am so hurt and feel like he truly wants to continue a relationship with her not for his daughter but, so that he can continue to see her. I feel that he isn’t ready to build a family with me because he has not let go of the last family he tried to build. At this point I have caught him speaking to her 2x and told him that if I find another that I will leave him. I fear that I will find this 3rd phone call and that I will need to leave. I fear that I will have to raise my child without his/her father. I don’t want this but, I refuse to sit and be disrespected any longer. Am I being unreasonable here?

Melissa said...

FlowerChild, why did you go against what your heart and mind told you in the beginning? You may say your heart said you were falling in love but it actually told you that this man wasn't suitable to be involved with.
The only person you can control is you. Your man is showing you with bmama #1 how you can expect to be treated. As difficult as this may be to hear, you must step out of your feelings long enough to begin to make decisions in the best interest of your child. Bmama #1 is not your concern. How your man chooses to deal with her is. If you tell him how you feel and nothing changes, then you must choose to either stay and get over it or leave and be with someone who respects your feelings. I agree with your man when he says bmama shouldn't come between you all. But if he's not willing to draw a line with her, are you willing to draw a line with him? Please stay connected to Diary of A Baby Mama on Facebook and share blog posts that are helpful to you. Stay strong sis. -Mel