So many women have entered into relationships with men who have children thinking it would not be a factor only to discover it can be a major source of conflict in the relationship.
If you are a young woman who's considering a relationship with a man with children, here are some things you need to keep in mind:
If his child(ren) never interrupt his life, he is not parenting, he's visiting. So many single young women who do not have children of their own jump at a chance to be with a man who says he has kids but still seems to have plenty of time to wine, dine and cuddle up. If he's with you all the time, then when exactly is he with his children? In the land of Responsibility, things come up. School, doctors visits, teacher conferences and sporting events are just some of the time consuming things that are included in raising children. If your man's schedule is tied up by things unrelated to his children, take this as a warning. If you become pregnant, your child with him may have to endure this same absence.
If he's paying child support, make sure you're not being used to supplement his income. Yes, there are men who enter into relationships with women just to ease the financial burden that child support may be causing them. Understand that child support is not punishment but a responsibility and if he whines about having to pay it, chances are he's whining about having to shoulder other responsibilities that a grown man should be capable of bearing. Does he want to move in with you after knowing you only for a short while? Is he asking you directly for financial help or always conveniently bringing up his financial needs when you all are together? These are all red flags that should be taken heart attack seriously. You might be someone he's setting up to use and misuse.
If he's a stand up dad, you won't have all of his time. It's impossible for a responsible father to devote 100% of his energy, attention and resources to you. If you require 100, a man with children may not be the right move for you. Also, don't pretend to be cool with him having a babymama when you're really not. If you don't like the idea of another woman having your man's ear to any extent, do not get involved. Save yourself the frustration and heartache. Co-parenting means he will have to communicate with the mother of his children and their ease of communication due to familiarity may offend you, especially if you're just starting a relationship with him. Sure, you have a right to say if something bothers you. But for a good man, the priority is his child first, then you. Your emotions may hate this, but deep down, you know it shouldn't be any other way.
There are more points that will be made in part 2 but for now, please give these your thoughtful consideration. Before you enter any relationship it's wise to count up the cost. Dealing with children outside of the relationship and babymamas can be more than a little challenging. Better to hear the real now than to be slapped with it once your emotions are in too deep.
Questions about this topic? Hit me up! Let me hear from you. Blessings. -Mel